Queer For The Culture, But Not For the Struggle
“Yas, Queen!” “Slay” “Spill the tea!” Don’t act like you haven’t said it before even in jest. In 2022, it’s the norm to break out your favorite Stan Twitter slang. In the eyes of many, myself included, the mainstream use of these terms is outstanding. It shows that we as a society are not only becoming more tolerant of the LGBTQ community, but accepting. We are incorporating LGBTQ culture in our everyday lives which holds many benefits. The inclusion of queer culture in the world tells queer people that they matter. In terms of mainstream media, more queer people are feeling represented with shows like Pose and even though we still have a long way to go, it would seem as if we are on the right track. “Seem” being the operative word. What if I told you that society was a train about to derail? Let me explain.
Photo: POSE (FX Networks)
In order for you to truly understand where I’m coming from, you need a little history lesson.
Terms like “shade”, “reading”, and “tea” didn’t just magically pop up in a 2015 tweet or in an episode of reality television. These slang terms originated in the 80’s in the heart of Harlem where balls took place. A ball was a place where gay, trans people, drag queens, etc. could walk categories and compete for trophies. Ball culture allowed a group of people who were not accepted in society to come together and be whoever they wanted to be. People were usually adorned in fine furs and sequins which allowed them to experience the life of extravagance and opulence.
Photo: Paris is Burning (Jennie Livingston)
Photo: Marsha P. Johnson (Netflix)
From the ballroom scene emerged the lingo we use today, yet the creators don’t get the credit.
Instead, we believe that people like Nene Leakes and Kyle Richards came up with these terms. The reason that is problematic is because the originators of the jargon risked their lives to be as authentic as they could be. In fact, women like Marsha P. Johnson and Venus Xtravaganza were murdered for who they were. It isn’t fair that the people who are living the lives of luxury and privilege that queer people of the balls couldn’t, are able to profit off of what they created.
Octavia St. Laurent by Catherine McGann (Getty Images)
The Real Housewives Franchise which airs on Bravo is quite popular amongst the LGBTQ community. I won’t lie in saying that the luxurious, gossip-filled lives of middle-aged women is very entertaining, and I won’t say that I don’t watch the show with my dads, but what I’ve noticed and has made me dislike the franchise as a whole is the way they treat gay men. These women use their gay friends as decorations and bring them out to play for the sake of appealing to their LGBTQ audience. In the 10th season of The Real Housewives of Atlanta, the most viewed of the entire franchise, Nene Leakes hosted her questionable “Girls and Gays” party. During this party, Kenya Moore proceeded to insult Kim Zolciak-Biermann by saying, “Why do you have such a hard-on for me? Didn’t they cut it off during your reassignment surgery?”
Photo: Nene Leakes (Twitter)
Kenya for some reason thought a procedure that many trans people go through would be a great way to throw shade. Going on a transphobic tirade at something called a “Girls and Gays” party is peak irony, but serves as a perfect example of privileged women using queer people to their benefit and then throwing them in the dust whenever they feel like it. They profit off the queer slang such as “shade” and “read”, but then make jokes or insults that are harmful to the queer community.
The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills gives the classic example of white women overcompensating for their immense privilege by making poor attempts at being inclusive or “cultured” or even showing knowledge in queer culture. Beverly Hills housewife, Kyle Richards threw a mixer for, “tops and bottoms — and I don’t mean bikinis.” in season 5 of RHOBH. Throughout the entire episode her and fellow housewife, Lisa Rina refer to gay men as “my gays”. Even though these women were wrong, they aren’t the only people who treat gay men like a cool novelty item to bring out in an attempt to seem open-minded. The fact that so many people are ignorant of the fact that their behavior is wrong compels me to remind everyone that gay men are not your accessories. They aren’t a little dog you can tote around in your $25,000 Hermes Birkin. Queer people aren’t your little centerpiece from Bali you show to your guests so you can seem well-rounded and knowledgable in LGBTQ culture.
As the child of gay parents, my experience has been filled with anecdotes of me and my family being the punchline of my friends’ jokes and being discriminated against as a third grader. My naive eight-year-old self was confused that I was being disinvited from birthday parties and was no longer welcomed into my fellow students’ homes all because of my father’s sexual orientation. My now much more mature 15-year-old self finds it ironic that these students now teenagers use the slang of people that they were intolerant of. Now I am all for learning and evolution, but these teens’ actions aren’t reflective of that. While still using “Yaaaaas, Queen!” and “beat face” they turn their heads at LGBTQ issues and act as if 40% of homeless youth aren’t LGBTQ or the fact that 61% of bisexual women fall victim to physical or sexual violence. Once again, they are able to relish in the culture, but they conveniently neglect the battles queer people face every day.
Stonewall Inn (Getty Images)
This is by no means an attack on cis, white, straight people, but more of a friendly reminder. It is me reminding you that it’s great that you have immersed yourself in queer culture, but that doesn’t mean you can profit off of the culture and ignore the struggle. I encourage you to further immerse yourself and educate yourself on LGBTQ culture because with education comes acceptance. But I also encourage you to educate yourself on LGBTQ struggles because while you are enjoying the culture, someone could be paying for it with their life. 💌
